Steam: I started as a lonely Viking – 400 years later I have half of Europe, 12,300 descendants and a problem

Our author Schuhmann got caught up in a match of the strategy game Crusader Kings 3 on Steam and has slightly overdone it.

The Swedish strategy geniuses at Paradox are proud that barely anyone finishes their games. I fit perfectly as a player because I love to perfect the beginning of strategy games for as long as it takes, until everything runs according to plan – that is, my plan.

But in one match of the dynasty simulator Crusader Kings 3, I made the mistake of not stopping after 50 years and starting over. Instead, I played the game deep into the endgame. And you really shouldn’t do that.

Currently, I always follow a certain routine in Crusader Kings 3. The plan is:

• I start as a Viking count in southwestern Norway, conquer the west coast, keep damn Björn Ironside (title image from the series Vikings) and Ivar the Boneless at bay, slowly secure my power base, and build the economy until the two sons of Ragnar are finally dead.
• Now I plunder England for as long as it takes to rise to the Viking leader, occupy as many duchies as possible with my own sons and grandsons, and turn the Isle of Man into a pirate fortress.
• Then I found my own religion and culture, set a lot of descendants into the world, and gradually conquer Norway, Denmark, and England with them to create the empire “Nordsee.”

This is actually the plan. Normally, however, something goes wrong, for example, during a generation handover:

• The new “super heir” gets murdered after 2 seconds by an angry uncle who feels overlooked.
• You make some careless mistake when creating the religion (via gamestar) and now instead of 4 wives, suddenly only have one and 3 quarrelsome concubines.
• Or a guy just throws his trash over the balcony, you get hit by a chamber pot, and end up as a drooling emperor-thing that can only wait for its death.

But in one game, none of that happened; everything went according to plan. First Vikings and the Isle of Man, then the North Sea, finally all of Great Britain, Finland, Lorraine, France.

200 years before the game’s end, Crusader Kings 3 runs out of steam

By putting a descendant in every conquered territory and activating all possible fertility bonuses for my dynasty, my lonely character, with whom I started as a count, has grown into a dynasty of over 12,000 people over 400 years, spread across 177 houses.

In Crusader Kings 3, provinces have a development level from 0 to 100 (maximum): already 200 years before the game’s end, the core area around London is exhausted:

Theoretically, the game can still go on for 190 years until 1453, but due to my playstyle, it’s actually already finished.

I accelerated the development of the capital in London through countless bonuses in the game, so it has long reached the maximum of 100.

My family tree has also escalated long ago. My current king has 26 children. His firstborn alone has provided him with 15 grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren. In total, the dynasty has 12,302 living descendants.

A very, very small excerpt of the family tree:

Dynasty traits make the game increasingly easier and unrealistic

Moreover, the dynasty tree has long been fully filled; there are not many innovations left to discover. Money has not played a significant role for the last 300 years.

The dynasty progress makes the game increasingly easier and more unrealistic as time goes on.

At the beginning of a game, it is like this:

• good staff is hard to come by – one is already happy about a manager with skill 15
• there are hardly any “special characters” with genetically positive traits, so the few strong characters stand out. One aims to somehow recruit Harald Hairy and Rollo from the series Vikings into their team.
• Moreover, people die early, children often pass away in the first years of life, even a promising offspring can be caught at 25 because he eats poisoned plants or gets his head ripped off by a berserker – few live past 55.
• Additionally, fighters start to decline sharply after age 50, rust away, and must be replaced by younger ones.
• There are very few special artifacts, a blue sword is already a fantastic find that makes the king significantly stronger for years.

However, this changes due to dynasty progress over the course of the game:

• There are only characters with extraordinary skills – everyone is as strong as Hercules, a genius, and beautiful.
• Characters can get 85 to 100 years old.
• The world becomes more civilized and thus consistently more harmless.
• Age makes characters stronger instead of weaker; you then end up with 95-year-old kings who are almost unbeatable as knights, especially since they carry the best artifacts in the game.

At the same time, the game has, although I own a decent PC for €3,800, slowed down extremely: A year that used to take 20 minutes now takes 2 hours.

Crusader Kings 3 also has, like the other major strategy games, the problem: You can play them “perfectly” and conquer the world, but it just isn’t fun.

It probably only helps to start a new game and set smaller goals, like going after achievements.

You can conquer the world in Victoria 3 as Germany – But it’s still not fun on a PC for €3,800.