Cortyn is complaining again. Today, it’s about the most despicable beings one can imagine: people who touch gamepads with chip fingers.
We gamers are a colorful bunch. The hobby spans all social classes, all age groups, and pretty much every conceivable grouping into which people can be categorized.
But among gamers, there is a group that is so vile, so contemptible, and simply unacceptable for society as a whole that I must call them out here. A group that deserves public humiliation, numerous “dislikes”, and jars that are sealed so tightly that they can’t be opened alone for their entire lives:
People who take my gamepads with greasy fingers.
The Complaining Wednesday is a recurring format on MeinMMO. It revolves around a specific detail from a game or the gaming industry as a whole. Occasionally sarcastic, sometimes cynical, sometimes serious, and hopefully always entertaining, the Complaining Wednesday is primarily one thing – an opinion from our house demon Cortyn, designed to sweeten your Wednesday every two weeks.
The good controller and the bad one
It doesn’t happen regularly that I get a new console, but enough that I have some experience. Normally, I always buy a second gamepad as well – simply to play games together when the opportunity arises.
The two gamepads coexist as equals in my apartment. I use one or the other. Both receive the same pay and take care of the child. You understand.
However, this changes dramatically on the day when a friend or acquaintance thinks it’s okay to reach into the chip bag first and then grab the gamepad during a video or gaming night. Not only does this cause the respective person to drop a full reputation level in my eyes, but it also has another effect:
From that moment on, there is my gamepad and the guest gamepad. The guest gamepad is then dead to me.
I get really angry internally, even if I don’t show it at that moment. I sometimes think that the circle of hell for these people needs to be invented because all existing ones would be too lenient.
Now you might think that you could simply wipe the gamepad, smile politely, and pretend nothing ever happened. But that does not help. I find the feeling of a greasy gamepad so disgusting that even the memory of it prevents me from using the thing afterward.
I know. This peculiarity may be a touch stronger in me than in other gamers. But I can’t help it. I find it hard to find anything more repulsive than placing my hands on a dirty mouse, gamepad, or keyboard, or even ensuring that the input device gets dirty myself.
But do we really have to forgo the best snacks while gaming because of this? Of course not. Even if you have to learn a bit.
Chopsticks saved my gaming snacks
For a long time, I handled it by eating a few chips during cut scenes and then washing my hands after the sequence ended. Super annoying, I know. Especially with story-intensive games, it always felt like I was shooting myself in the knee. But that is still better than slathering my controller with chip grease.
Because even after years, this became too cumbersome for me and only fat-free pretzel sticks and giving up chocolate eventually made me unhappy, I began looking for solutions.
As so often, you can borrow great solutions from the Asians – they sometimes eat chips with chopsticks. It’s so simple and genius that I learned to eat with chopsticks just for that. Well, I did spill 3-4 bags on the living room floor during the learning process – but there’s always a bit of loss.
Do you also have such friends (they’re not true friends, believe me!) who touch your hardware with greasy fingers? And does that trigger you as much as it does me?
