The secret of the unhappy interns
With the boss, it’s a whole different thing. What he does all day is something nobody can really say. Occasionally, he pops into the office and shows an intern around. After Sarah, Christine, and Olga, Franziska was the last one. I don’t even remember the names of the ladies from yesterday.
Now and then, the office door just swings open and Dawid rushes in. He throws all the computers off the desks and replaces them with two brand-new devices. While he gives us a two-hour lecture about how these “high-tech” typewriters will make our work easier, we slowly push him back outside. We both smile and nod. Those are the few moments when Schuhmann and I completely agree.
Every few days, we get individually summoned to the management floor. On one hand, that’s convenient, because by the time you’ve conquered the many floors, another good hour of the workday has surely passed. As I’m about to enter, the door opens from within and a crying woman rushes past me. Ah, Janine. She probably didn’t last long in the intern job either.
The power of manipulation
The beauty of conversations with the boss is that sooner or later you can always assert your own will. A few cleverly placed words like “individuality” or “We want to be different from the others!” and you get everything you want. Again, I secured two articles about anime and visual novels that I can impose on the readers. I knew that those two semesters of mind control would pay off someday.
Eventually, he switches into tech mode. “Oh Cortyn, can you additionally add terms from our Google Suggest tool and create the next page command along with a gallery in the backend so that the keywords can be better found in the SEO tutoring course?” I counter with an intelligent “Why?” “The new Panda is out!” I don’t know what he said to me, but it must be a powerful spell. I smile and nod. That always helps with people who somehow seem crazy or really powerful. He’s probably both; otherwise, he wouldn’t work with demons and Schuhmanns who always have something to say in return.
Sometimes we also talk about Schuhmann. Even if he denies it, I’m convinced that he hung the big poster over my workplace. “RP is a woman’s issue that one does not want to know exactly, just like Ooooh abdominal cramps!” The boss laughs at my accusations, and I laugh at him. Humans. Strange beings.
About “great upgrades” to our system
Somewhere in this palace, there must also be the large server room where all the magic happens that surpasses the knowledge of humans and demons. And I’m not just talking about the good things. Depending on whether there’s a terribly important Destiny news to read, our servers tend to buckle.
To compensate for that, the boss developed a big red button. Because the exact process is much too complicated, I’ll try to illustrate it with an example. Whenever our servers buckle, Dawid presses the button.
The air conditioning in our office fails, two of the maid servants remove our office chairs, and the room is only filled with Tokyo Hotel music. Shortly thereafter, the ladies return and tie our hands behind our backs.
As “improved” as our working conditions get, the boss eventually shows mercy and presses the button again. Try writing a text with horns and a nose if you can’t imagine what that’s like.
Nevertheless, Dawid manages each month to ensure the site continues to grow and slowly, but steadily grabs for world domination achieves ever higher visitor numbers. I just realized that I’ve never encountered him outside the building. One could almost think that Dawid invented the 25-hour shift for himself. Hey, boss! I wrote something nice about you! Can I get out of the dungeon now?
