Some are surely wondering what life is like behind the scenes at Mein-MMO.de. While we have occasionally sprinkled in a few hints, you haven’t really been informed yet. I want to change that here and now. But be warned: The text may contain traces of truth and/or lies!
The early bird catches the worm
I love my job. In the morning, like most, I take the train to the office. Sometimes it’s nice to mingle with the mortal folk so as not to forget how they start their day. As every day at 4 a.m., there’s not much going on in the streets. Some party-goers are still wandering around, but maybe the zombie apocalypse has broken out. The movement pattern is the same.
The exact location of our office must regrettably be kept secret, but anyone who enjoys picture riddles can recognize the building in the background from Dawid’s profile picture.
The Mein-MMO headquarters is always bustling, at least in the main corridors. Numerous chandeliers illuminate the halls, from which several corridors lead to the seemingly endless subdivisions. Who would have thought that we worked from the boss’s closet almost 2 years ago?
My demonic influence has now resulted in at least the boss’s maids having to walk around in maid costumes and address everyone with “Have a nice day, my master.” Some may find that a bit sexist, but so far, no one seems to mind. I love my job.
No matter how early I arrive at the office, someone is always already there. Schuhmann is practically the team leader here. That’s generally a good thing, but extremely annoying when you’re the only one living under his reign of terror well-structured leadership. Sometimes I think he’s working on cloning himself. Either to exert double pressure or to handle even more work in an even shorter time.
On the financing of the project
Pling.
An email arrives. €2,000 if I write a small news piece about an upcoming film adaptation of a famous MMO. I smile with satisfaction, as I’ve never reached 10% of my daily income this quickly. My head rolls over the keyboard. The horns get stuck between some keys, but that doesn’t matter. “Blah blah, new info, blah blah, the release is still a while away.” Works. The post is sent to Schuhmann for approval.
The team leader reviews the text. He always does that to filter out anime pictures. After a few moments, it goes “Pling” again. An empty email from Mr. Schuhmann. As I look at him, confused over my five screens, he just shakes his head and sticks out his right thumb down from his fist. A disappointed expression is in his eyes, as if to say “Nice try, Cortyn. But with that, the world will still end.”
I roll back over the keyboard. Like magic, the combinations of words “Only here“, “Now brand new“, “Hot off the press“, and “Click me or I’ll eat you!” blend into the text.
This time, the team leader smiles. So do I. I love my job.
The Schuhmann’s laws
Every time I tilt my head back and look at the ceiling to be lazy think hard, I see the board with Schuhmann’s laws. The unwavering rules of our work.
- If it doesn’t get clicks, it breaks our necks!
- Animes will be deducted from the salary!
- We all love our job!
- Bring me coffee, Cortyn!
I have also written underneath with a pencil:
5. Better three times copied than once researched.
That can only be seen from my workplace, but still gives me the comforting feeling of resistance. Cooperative demons would also be too boring, wouldn’t you agree?
At 10 p.m. I pack my things and leave the office. Schuhmann is still there. Maybe it’s just one of his clones. He’s always there when I arrive at work and stays even after I leave.
Because people in the area are often drunk after sunset, I spread my wings and fly home. And I smile with satisfaction. Because an anime picture was not detected today. I love my job.
