Many people think it takes experience and a lot of dedication to become a seasoned and bitter veteran in online gaming. But that’s a misconception. We show you 7 simple steps to achieve what others have to train for years in the MMO genre.
As a newcomer in the world of online video games, one often looks in disbelief at experienced veterans, who have a wonderfully red complexion from the pain of many years and whose voice is rough from all the screaming. The hands of these honorable, wise people are often crooked from smashing out furious flames on their noble, mahogany-colored keyboards.
We want to show you how to reach this wonderful state in no time.
Step 1: Order the biggest edition and inform yourself properly
As soon as a new MMO is announced, it is essential to find out, above all else, what the most expensive edition is. This should be pre-ordered immediately. Ideally, in a way that you can’t return it under any circumstances.
A physical edition is immediately torn open, every code redeemed immediately, every receipt ripped, burned, and erased for eternity. It is important to burn all bridges behind you. There must be no doubt, there can be no way back.
From now on, it is essential to take every little thing that developers say about their MMO and look into what is really behind it.
Because what many don’t know: Many developers only speak quietly and cautiously about their game at the beginning. They hide many features they have already developed. They want to keep this information for a big surprise later.
When a developer says, “We offer an MMO for PvE and PvP fans,” it means that the MMO will start with at least 8 dungeons, 3 raids, and fantastic boss battles. Of course, there will also be a ranked system, which will ultimately lead to a $30 million world championship.
Many beginners make the mistake of thinking too small when looking forward to a new game. They even curb their enthusiasm to avoid disappointment.
This isn’t fun. Don’t make this mistake.
Step 2: Explain to fans of other MMOs why they are totally wrong
The second step is for many the highlight of a real MMO life. One either chooses an already established game or another new MMO and finds out where its fans are sitting.
Then one makes every effort to convince these fools that they are on the wrong path and that one’s own game is much better.
One mocks the other game:
- That it has such poor graphics and that it will “be dead soon” – the developer is known for flops.
- Additionally, one cites examples of failed games, that even blinded fools followed.
- Furthermore: Where is the innovation? This is just crap off the shelf.
- Especially, when the “enemy MMO” comes from other cultures, it is important to enlighten the fans about their delusion. Everyone knows that only cheap mass-produced goods are sent out from there.
One praises one’s own game highly, because many clueless people don’t even know what a gem it is. They are completely unaware of what the game director said at a live event in Tokyo some time ago about the development plan. They just have no idea.
Share your knowledge with them, but don’t be too extensive. Citations or links make you seem weak.
The rule is:
- Anyone who defends their game is surely a “White Knight” and is secretly paid by the publisher.
- On the other hand, anyone attacking your game is probably a miserable content creator, who just tries to get clicks from stupid people with their own, completely wrong opinion, or they are a dumb troll who just wants to cause trouble.
For advanced users: To support your own position, it is beneficial to create multiple accounts that then support your views and ridicule hostile opinions.
Step 3: Prepare thoroughly for the release
When the long wait is finally over and the MMO releases, it’s important to make the most of that time.
Cancel all appointments and obligations, prepare any social contacts that you will surely not be available to talk for months.
Stock up on food that is quick and easy to prepare or even can be eaten raw, or get lists of local food deliverers. Make sure to have variety in your menu composition. You’re not an animal.
Take all your vacation or think about how you can convincingly call in sick and arrange your life so that for weeks or months you do nothing else but immerse yourself in the game that will surely provide enough content to completely captivate and fulfill you.
It’s best to arrange it so that you can eat right where you also game. This saves time and is clever.
Step 4: Play like a madman
At this stage, it is important to fully devote yourself to the game and play through it. However, one must pay attention to achieving the highest possible efficiency.
Therefore, consume current guides and videos about your MMO on a second screen or smartphone to reach the maximum level and the best gear as quickly as possible. An ideal place for this is the toilet – this way, you can make optimal use of time that would otherwise be wasted.
But don’t tell anyone that you’re reading guides. It could cast a bad light on you.
The optimal level of gaming is reached when you dream of the MMO at night.
Whatever you do, do not make the mistake of giving advice to other games or answering their questions. You don’t want to ingratiate yourself with the masses.
Let them know that only noobs ask such stupid questions while pros like you operate in completely different spheres that are beyond the comprehension of these simple folks. They surely haven’t even theory-crafted, and they can only dream of the cool cosmetics you have.
It’s important in this phase to inform others about your progress. That way you can happily write under guides that you accomplished that without any help, and you’ve done it weeks ago. Noobs are interested in that.
Step 5: Save the game
For many connoisseurs, the most beautiful phase follows now. Because you recognize, as one of the first, that the MMO offers a good foundation, but it is still lacking in features and especially content. Because you have already played through everything.
With some improvements, the game would be much better, and you already have ideas for new boss mechanics and fantastic new content. And the next better items must come soon, you’ve already got everything.
Now is the time to save the MMO.
Now take the opportunity to describe your experiences from the last weeks and make it clear to other players that you are the only one who can save the game now. Explain how dumb the developers are for not listening to your ideas.
Emphasize what you achieved in phase 4 and how much time you’ve invested in the game to earn the status of infallibility, which should be respected by all: After all, you are a recognized expert in the MMO. No one in their right mind would doubt that.
If any noob dares to contradict you, explain to them where they can stick their noob opinion. Ideally, insult them and/or their mother so drastically that everyone realizes who is in charge here.
Surely they’ve hardly made it through the tutorial, otherwise, they wouldn’t be writing such nonsense.
Step 6: Be bitterly disappointed
Although you have made a lot of effort to promote your ideas, it seems that the developers have now retreated.
It is even said that they no longer post in the official forums because allegedly the atmosphere there has become too hostile. Such softies.
Now is the time to fully unleash your anger at the broken promises. Always emphasize how well the game was once on track before wrong decisions were made to please some casuals, while the developer alienated the true audience – that is you.
Here you can use your enormous knowledge to make it clear to everyone what twisted lies the developers once told to deceive and lull you into security.
All the promised features did not come, the roadmap is now ridiculous, and the only ones defending the game are blinded white knights, who are surely secretly paid by the developer.
Step 7: Find the next game
After that, find a new game and start with phase 1.
